It’s the witching time of year! Night comes earlier; the shadows are deeper; and sounds are more eerie. Invitations appear for events that offer the chance to be someone else: a ghost, a witch, a football player, or even an alien. The transformation to a new identity is easily achieved by changing clothes and adding a mask. It can be fun to be someone else for a night. We can talk and behave differently. Our normal values, expectations and attitudes are put on a shelf for the night, and we are free from responsibility and expectations.
Adding a mask or costume at Halloween is expected and can be fun. What about the rest of the year when we wear masks that are more difficult to notice? These are masks that hide our true selves, values, thoughts, beliefs, talents, attitudes and abilities. They deny that we are beautiful, handsome, or talented in our own way. In an effort to “fit in” with the crowd, the neighborhood, the culture, our workplace, we add the mask of sameness and costume of conformity.
There are, of course, times when conforming to expectations is required, considerate and wise. We don’t talk loudly in movies or church. We don’t sit silently at a sporting event or family picnic. We join in the activities and enjoy the experience.
However, when we consistently deny who we are, what we like, what we believe in, and what our limits are, we become an empty shell that is incapable of experiencing emotion. Without emotions, our experiences are vaguely remembered and always seem unsatisfying. We cannot connect to others and end up feeling lonely, unfulfilled and inadequate.
Check for masks. Do you or people you care about
- Avoid choosing an activity?
- Find it difficult to state a thought, value, or opinion that is different from the group?
- Resist admitting a skill or talent?
- Agree with whomever spoke last in the conversation?
When you notice that you or someone is wearing a mask,
- Encourage him/her to choose first.
- Recognize his/her gift, talent
- Accept his/her ideas
- Kindly challenge negative self-talk or putdowns
To quote Marianne Williamson, author of A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principle of “A Course in Miracles”
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. You playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” – Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of “A Course in Miracles.”
Take off your mask, look beyond the masks that others wear, and experience the freedom of letting your light shine for you and others.
ABOUT DR. BETH PLACHETKA
THERAPIST FOR ADULTS AND ADOLESCENTS
As a licensed clinical social worker, therapist, speaker, adjunct professor in the School of Social Work at Aurora University and president of Safe Harbor Counseling in Sugar Grove, Illinois, Beth Plachetka, EdD, LCSW, MSW, MAEL brings 40 years of experience helping individuals, families and groups address and resolve psychological, social and interpersonal issues.
Dr. Beth’s expertise in assessing and strengthening relationships is applied in private practice counseling, school social work, teaching, and speaking engagements. As a therapist, Dr. Beth works closely with her clients to help them evaluate their progress and re-chart their course, so they can learn strategies, build confidence and identify support systems to gain the strength and confidence required for lasting change. Contact Dr. Beth for counseling.
SPEAKER FOR ORGANIZATIONS
For organizations to succeed and thrive, strong workplace relationships must be respectful, collaborative and in line with the mission and goals. If professional relationships are poor, it leaves a negative impact on the organization and customers suffer.
Beth’s knowledge of the importance of relationships at work is supported by her dissertation that focuses on adult bullying in the school setting and by earning her doctorate in curriculum and instruction. Her deep practical knowledge to identify and realign workplace relationships in educational systems and faith institutions provides her with the expertise required to improve team productivity and professional relationships.
Presenting on a variety of topics related to bullying and mental health, Beth uses humor as well as effective and practical strategies to improve workplace culture, counteract the devastation of bullying and mitigate the symptoms that result from workplace bullying. Beth’s presentations reflect her years of experience as a teacher with clearly stated objectives, outcomes, activities and interactions that both inspire and educate. Contact Dr. Beth to speak at your next event.
With licenses and certificates in elementary education, school social work, clinical social work and educational leadership, her family fondly (at least she hopes it’s fondly) refers to her as “certifiable.”