If there’s one word that I have always disliked; maybe even detested, it’s the word “nice.” As a child, I heard, “be nice to your sister,” “be nice to the kids on the playground.” At my early jobs, I heard “be nice to the customers.” Even at the professional level, I heard, “Why can’t people just be nice?”
Please understand; I am definitely in favor of being respectful, helpful, kind, but something about the word “nice” makes my skin crawl. Inquiring minds want to know. According to Stack Exchange, the word, “nice” has quite a history, and over the centuries, the connotation has significantly changed.
- “Nice” began as a negative Latin term meaning “ignorant.”
- Moving from Latin to English, “nice” referred to a “stupid, ignorant or foolish, person.”
- In the 1300’s “nice” was used to describe behavior or clothing that was excessively luxurious.
- In the 1400’s “nice” meant someone was finely dressed, reserved, shy or something was “precise.”
- In the 1500’s “nice” described refined, polite society.
It’s now clear. “Nice” implies being unconscious/unaware. At no point in linguistic history, does the word “nice” suggest intelligence, discernment or wisdom. It suggests that not a single evaluating thought should cross a person’s mind in any given situation. In other words, a “nice” person dances to the piper’s tune. It means that a “nice person” does what he/she is told without question.
Recent headlines tell us that being “nice” eventually leads to difficulty — Mr. Weinstein???
I am not “nice.” I am wise, intelligent, honest, capable, compassionate, forgiving, reflective, and respectful in both professional and personal settings.
Workplaces can be filled with chaos and confusion. Workers are often evaluated as “inadequate” or worse with minimal evidence. When the work environment becomes difficult, the last thing we need to be is “nice.”
In questionable or difficult situations:
- Be aware of interactions and behaviors in the workplace as well as changes in expectations, administration and the system. Are there new relationships or alignments?
- Take time to assess the situation. Consider who is involved, their goals, your role in the situation and how best to respond.
- Act. The earlier and more direct the response, the better. Speak directly to the person(s) involved with clear language that acknowledges the problem and a solution.
- Evaluate the outcome and adjust your words and behavior, if necessary.
When working with difficult people don’t be “Nice.” Be
- Aware
- Intelligent
- Honest
- Capable
- Discerning
- Wise
- Compassionate
- Forgiving
- Reflective
- Respectful
Difficult situations and discussions do happen in both professional and personal settings. This time of #metoo and #timesup movements are historical events that have already changed organizations and culture for the better. We are more in tune with what is really happening and that we can change that. Both genders suffer, and it will take both to make the change. Each time one of us steps in the direction of appropriate behavior, we reject the past, we embrace the present and we change the future. What step will you take today to embrace and change?
ABOUT DR. BETH PLACHETKA
THERAPIST FOR ADULTS AND ADOLESCENTS
As a licensed clinical social worker, therapist, speaker, adjunct professor in the School of Social Work at Aurora University and president of Safe Harbor Counseling in Sugar Grove, Illinois, Beth Plachetka, EdD, LCSW, MSW, MAEL brings 40 years of experience helping individuals, families and groups address and resolve psychological, social and interpersonal issues.
Dr. Beth’s expertise in assessing and strengthening relationships is applied in private practice counseling, school social work, teaching, and speaking engagements. As a therapist, Dr. Beth works closely with her clients to help them evaluate their progress and re-chart their course, so they can learn strategies, build confidence and identify support systems to gain the strength and confidence required for lasting change. Contact Dr. Beth for counseling.
SPEAKER FOR ORGANIZATIONS
For organizations to succeed and thrive, strong workplace relationships must be respectful, collaborative and in line with the mission and goals. If professional relationships are poor, it leaves a negative impact on the organization and customers suffer.
Beth’s knowledge of the importance of relationships at work is supported by her dissertation that focuses on adult bullying in the school setting and by earning her doctorate in curriculum and instruction. Her deep practical knowledge to identify and realign workplace relationships in educational systems and faith institutions provides her with the expertise required to improve team productivity and professional relationships.
Presenting on a variety of topics related to bullying and mental health, Beth uses humor as well as effective and practical strategies to improve workplace culture, counteract the devastation of bullying and mitigate the symptoms that result from workplace bullying. Beth’s presentations reflect her years of experience as a teacher with clearly stated objectives, outcomes, activities and interactions that both inspire and educate. Contact Dr. Beth to speak at your next event.
With licenses and certificates in elementary education, school social work, clinical social work and educational leadership, her family fondly (at least she hopes it’s fondly) refers to her as “certifiable.”