Last month’s article, “Don’t be Nice at Work, shared with you that I don’t like the word “nice.” I am definitely not mean, but I sure am not nice. According to English.Stackexchange.com, “Nice” means that
- I don’t intelligently think about interaction and situations.
- I totally accept what is going on without considering options, outcomes or motives of the people involved.
- It means that ultimately I want to “fit in” with the system.
The definition may surprise many, since most of us were raised to be “nice.” Next time you plan to use the word or be the word we believe is positive and necessary, think about this acronym. It’s quite jarring, I agree. Maybe adjust your personality, attitude and behavior to an empowering word that accurately represents you.
N – never
I – intelligent
C – continuously
E – exploited
The online Longman Dictionary of Contemporary English provides four definitions of “exploit.” Once a teacher, always a teacher! Remember your fifth-grade language arts teacher? Definitions are provided in the order of most commonly used to least commonly used. Let’s look at the top two definitions of “exploit.”
- “Treat someone unfairly by asking them to do things for you but giving them very little in return.”
- “Get as much as you can out of a situation, sometimes unfairly.”
I would summarize that “exploit means to get someone else to do your work, whether it’s dirty or otherwise.”
Workplaces are filled with people of all personality types with personalized agendas and goals. The stated goal in the workplace is to be devoted to the project or mission of the institution: providing healthcare, spiritual development, education, legal advice, groceries, clothing, machinery, etc. However, people have personal motives, such as:
- Providing a living for their families
- For others, education and personal growth are motives
- Power and influence over others is some people’s motive. This makes some people difficult co-workers.
The method used to achieve our personal goals while working on the organization’s goals is a reflection of personality. For a business to succeed:
- A wide variety of personalities with different levels of experiences and knowledge is vital.
- Effective interactions and communication styles that lead to successful collaboration are the responsibilities of managers and co-workers.
Workplace relationships are tricky. We are aware of the stated organizational goals, but we often get tripped up by the unstated personal goals that are disguised in behaviors and communications that seem typical…until we look below the surface.
To avoid being exploited or exploiting others, we must look deeper and consider possibilities. We must be aware that not all people operate from a collaborative, empathetic perspective. Not all people are trustworthy.
Without a reflective, intelligent, respectful approach that is both self-aware and aware of environment, we risk becoming entangled in exploitative behavior. We can initiate interactions that are self-serving and unfair to others or the company. Or we can become the victim of manipulations that trick us into doing the work of others. Neither are good.
We must be Aware, Assess, Act, and Adjust. The first steps are the keys to awareness.
- If you want to avoid being exploited, don’t fool yourself or allow yourself to be fooled by the “nice” people.
- Pay attention. Think. Know that there will always be people with ulterior motives.
- Recognize your emotional and physical responses and the meaning they have for you.
Awareness is the first step before we can Act, Assess, and Adjust. More on this… Trust me.
ABOUT DR. BETH PLACHETKA
THERAPIST FOR ADULTS AND ADOLESCENTS
As a licensed clinical social worker, therapist, speaker, adjunct professor in the School of Social Work at Aurora University and president of Safe Harbor Counseling in Sugar Grove, Illinois, Beth Plachetka, EdD, LCSW, MSW, MAEL brings 40 years of experience helping individuals, families and groups address and resolve psychological, social and interpersonal issues.
Dr. Beth’s expertise in assessing and strengthening relationships is applied in private practice counseling, school social work, teaching, and speaking engagements. As a therapist, Dr. Beth works closely with her clients to help them evaluate their progress and re-chart their course, so they can learn strategies, build confidence and identify support systems to gain the strength and confidence required for lasting change. Contact Dr. Beth for counseling.
SPEAKER FOR ORGANIZATIONS
For organizations to succeed and thrive, strong workplace relationships must be respectful, collaborative and in line with the mission and goals. If professional relationships are poor, it leaves a negative impact on the organization and customers suffer.
Beth’s knowledge of the importance of relationships at work is supported by her dissertation that focuses on adult bullying in the school setting and by earning her doctorate in curriculum and instruction. Her deep practical knowledge to identify and realign workplace relationships in educational systems and faith institutions provides her with the expertise required to improve team productivity and professional relationships.
Presenting on a variety of topics related to bullying and mental health, Beth uses humor as well as effective and practical strategies to improve workplace culture, counteract the devastation of bullying and mitigate the symptoms that result from workplace bullying. Beth’s presentations reflect her years of experience as a teacher with clearly stated objectives, outcomes, activities and interactions that both inspire and educate. Contact Dr. Beth to speak at your next event.
With licenses and certificates in elementary education, school social work, clinical social work and educational leadership, her family fondly (at least she hopes it’s fondly) refers to her as “certifiable.”