My dad was a big man, handsome with an easy smile at 6’5” and 250 pounds. Because of his size and personality, Dad usually got along with everyone. I learned a lot about getting along with people from my dad. Most of the time a smile, a question, or a thoughtful observation eases the tension that can develop within groups of people.
Dad’s approach works with many types of people who share common characteristics
- Integrity
- honor agreements
- follow systems and procedures equally
- honor clear and direct communication
- Self -Awareness
- accept that “it takes two to tango” when there’s tension or a disagreement
- accept personal responsibility in tense or difficult situations
- can offer a sincere apology
- Respect for Others
- celebrate the strengths and skills others have
- recognize the benefit of diverse skills
Unfortunately, Dad’s way doesn’t work for all people, though. There’s a small percentage of people who operate outside the parameters of expected interactions and can create intense dysfunction, cost businesses revenue, reputation, and status. These people are bullies.
How Can You Tell if There’s a Bully in the Workplace?
Bullies manipulate and exploit coworkers through behaviors that appear typical but isolate and alienate, destroy reputations, end jobs and diminish self-esteem.
What Are Visible & Noticeable Behaviors of Bullies?
Behaviors
- subtle dirty looks and snide remarks
- obvious behaviors: physical threats or objects being thrown
- misguided behavior directed toward materials:
- destruction
- theft
- sabotage or exhibits misguided actions directed toward the individual, such as:
- aggressive eye contact, glaring or meaningful glances
- gives the silent treatment
- intimidating physical gestures e.g. finger pointing, slamming or throwing objects
- verbal such as yelling, screaming, or cursing at the individual
- angry outbursts
- temper tantrums
- rudeness toward the “target,” whether in person, on phone, in email or via text
- Personal attacks
- accusations of wrongdoing
- insults or belittles the coworker in front of others
- excessive or harsh criticism of the target’s work performance
- spreading rumors about the target
- breaks confidentiality
- makes unreasonable work demands of the target
- withholds needed information
- takes credit for someone else’s work
How Does the Behavior of Bullies Affect Us?
- confused
- disoriented
- unproductive
- incapable
- alone
- attacked
- physically sick
What Don’t Bullies Do?
- offer sincere apologies
- complete work tasks on time
- follow procedures
- communicate directly
- own their own shortcomings
Bullies do not change when people are NICE and who try to adjust to meet their expectations.
Be Aware, Assess, Be Ready to Act, and Adjust.
First, be aware: know that problems can and will arise.
Secondly, assess whether the actions or behavior is appropriate or inappropriate.
Know that there will always be people with ulterior motives. Don’t be “nice” and ignore it. Trust your gut. Call it what it is: “BULLYING!”
ABOUT DR. BETH PLACHETKA
THERAPIST FOR ADULTS AND ADOLESCENTS
As a licensed clinical social worker, therapist, speaker, adjunct professor in the School of Social Work at Aurora University and president of Safe Harbor Counseling in Sugar Grove, Illinois, Beth Plachetka, EdD, LCSW, MSW, MAEL brings 40 years of experience helping individuals, families and groups address and resolve psychological, social and interpersonal issues.
Dr. Beth’s expertise in assessing and strengthening relationships is applied in private practice counseling, school social work, teaching, and speaking engagements. As a therapist, Dr. Beth works closely with her clients to help them evaluate their progress and re-chart their course, so they can learn strategies, build confidence and identify support systems to gain the strength and confidence required for lasting change. Contact Dr. Beth for counseling.
SPEAKER FOR ORGANIZATIONS
For organizations to succeed and thrive, strong workplace relationships must be respectful, collaborative and in line with the mission and goals. If professional relationships are poor, it leaves a negative impact on the organization and customers suffer.
Beth’s knowledge of the importance of relationships at work is supported by her dissertation that focuses on adult bullying in the school setting and by earning her doctorate in curriculum and instruction. Her deep practical knowledge to identify and realign workplace relationships in educational systems and faith institutions provides her with the expertise required to improve team productivity and professional relationships.
Presenting on a variety of topics related to bullying and mental health, Beth uses humor as well as effective and practical strategies to improve workplace culture, counteract the devastation of bullying and mitigate the symptoms that result from workplace bullying. Beth’s presentations reflect her years of experience as a teacher with clearly stated objectives, outcomes, activities and interactions that both inspire and educate. Contact Dr. Beth to speak at your next event.
With licenses and certificates in elementary education, school social work, clinical social work and educational leadership, her family fondly (at least she hopes it’s fondly) refers to her as “certifiable.”